The Emoji Battle (as decided by my Twitter followers)

Recently I was watching television as I prepared an outline for some revisions for my novel. Even though I was only half paying attention for most of the time, this atrocity came onto the screen and demanded my full attention.

That’s right, kids. In a not-so-subtle effort to compete with Coke’s personalized named bottles, Pepsi got emojis. It’s terrible. I hate it. The commercialization of emojis already annoys me, but this just offends me. But enough about my opinions, let’s go to my Twitter followers for their opinions.

You see, as soon as I saw this stain on the already poor integrity of marketing, I of course went to Twitter because I go to Twitter for everything. I set up a poll to see how others felt about the Pepsi emoji because I wanted everyone to agree with me that Pepsi has the worst emojis. But, instead, I discovered that my Twitter followers are terrible.

poll results

That’s right. The hatred for Droid emojis is so prevalent that it beat out both Pepsi and Samsung. I do applaud the one person with the courage to vote against Apple, but c’mon. Pepsi’s emojis aren’t even real. It’s a poor marketing ploy living off the skid marks of Coke’s successful campaign. And Samsung? MSN had better emojis in 2002.

Really this was the pinnacle of emoji.

I personally don’t understand the hatred for Droid emojis. They’re cute lil potato people with far more personality than the flat-one dimensional Apple emojis. But we can understand why this poll was shifted using the magic of ANALYTICS and KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE.


Now my Twitter followers are great. Since a majority of the followers who interact with my tweets are people I know in real life, for the most part they play along with my tweets and my joking polls. One friend even got me coffee after I tweeted about it (Bless you Ariel). If we look at previous polls I’ve held, you can see that my followers play along and make me feel good about my jokes.


So with that information, we can assume that the four followers who voted for Pepsi are following the usual routine. Thank you, four followers, for following not only myself but the rules as well.

The one brave soul who voted against Apple is either in this category of playing with the joke or they just dislike Apple emojis. Because I stalk my own tweets, I know that this vote was the third vote after two votes for Pepsi so it was not in sole defense of Droid emojis, which had zero votes at the time. I honestly have no idea who this brave soul is or their motivations, but again bless you for your service.

The zero votes for Samsung is probably out of apathy for the product. No one knows or cares about Samsung emojis for them to even vote against them.

Now the mega coalition against Droid emojis has two possible reasons. Number one, the most likely reason, is that most of my followers are Apple users. Apple users are venomously defensive of their product. It’s the work of effective branding and no matter what the situation is, they will always defend their product. In this case, the defense of their product is going against the main competitor: Android. I couldn’t even begin to list the amount of Android vs. Apple think pieces there are on the internet. Just Google it yourself and dive into the rivalry.

apple versus android
You’ve got some options.

The second reason goes back to my first point: most of my interactive followers know me. They know I’m a proud Droid user and they know that I will defend my Droid Mini to the very grave I used to curse my old iPhone to. By voting against my lovely Droid potato emojis, they fulfill two ways to annoy me by 1. Voting against something other than the obvious answer and 2. Voting against the one I clearly preference.

Or, perhaps, maybe Droid emojis are the worst emojis and I am, indeed, the wrong one.


Either way, according to my poll, that means Samsung emojis are the best emoji to use since no one voted against them so congrats Twitter followers. Your precious Apple, Pepsi, and Droid emojis are futile. All bow down to the choice emoji of both my Twitter followers and Microsoft PowerPoint.

You asked for this, heathens.

Follow my Twitter to participate in future madness like this. Or check out my YouTube channel, which is actually The Maddness.


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